Frequently Asked Questions
CFNM Party FAQs
PREFACE: The owners of this site were the ones that created the term "CFNM" almost 20 years ago, and branded the concept such that men and women could enjoy clothed-female/naked-male activities with a common understanding as to what it is. Over the years, the concept of CFNM has evolved from the definition and characterization of what was originally intended at the time of its creation to mean substantially different things to different people. The FAQs presented below are to dispel myths and clarify what CFNM is all about. They are provided to enlighten and educate, and promulgate a true understanding of its purpose and intent from the most definitive source there is -- those that created the concept and acronym. We hope these FAQs will provide a foundation for better understanding and to educate others as to what it can offer women and men.
Q: I have never heard of CFNM events. Where and when did they begin?
A: We have created a page on this site that provides a detailed discussion on it's origins and history, and we recommend all newcomers to read it.
But the key thing to note is that the acronym "CFNM" was created in 1995 to establish a unique characteristic of all CFNM events, and that it is a mandatory requirement for all men to remain completely naked whereas women are never nude. Although men may enjoy it, the fundamental purpose behind this requirement is solely for the benefit and pleasure of the females, not the males. The intended atmosphere is one of empowerment of women while concurrently assuring that all women present remain comfortable and feel secured. As discussed elsewhere, CFNM parties are never orchestrated as a conduit for sex between the genders. Open sex at CFNM events is always prohibited, otherwise they cease being "clothed-female/naked-male".
Q: Are CFNM parties created for for-profit enterprise?
A: Over the past two decades, as with any erotic pursuit that is gaining interest, opportunists have hi-jacked the term "CFNM" to make profit from both porn carrying the label, and, from professional for-pay services offered by pro dominatrixes. However, the true definition does not include the profiteering purposes, but instead are parties held for the enjoyment of both genders attending -- not to generate income. Only legitimate CFNM parties are done such that any "donations" requested from participants are essentially made to cover costs of the event and/or to build a reserve for upfront costs of the next CFNM event.
Q: What are these parties like? Are there just a bunch of horny naked guys?
A: CFNM gatherings typically do not focus on the sexual arousal of the men attending; rather, parties are first and foremost intended to meet the interests, needs, desires, expectations and comfort of the ladies. It is for this reason we have introduced our "Female-First Doctrine", which assures the needs and interests of women supersede that of men. If the women hosting and attending the event are obtuse to activities designed to arouse the men, such activities should not occur. Alternatively, if the females attending want such activities, then those activities become an integral part of the event's agenda, but solely at the discretion of the women. Optimally, there is a good balance between the number of men and woman, and at many CFNM functions the social interaction can be as tame as a traditional cocktail gathering or social event whereby people talk about their jobs, fashion, hobbies, what they do and where they have traveled with the only difference being all the women are fully clothed while all the men are completely naked. However, depending upon the women coming and their interests, the parties can be more adult-oriented, but again, always putting the female perspective and wants ahead of the men. And if men find that focusing on the female interests above their own is sexually arousing to them, well, aren't they lucky! And such a male attitude is optimal for a good CFNM atmosphere.
Q: Are CFNM parties intended to be for the BDSM/Female Domination Crowd?
A: Originally, no, but in more recent years, CFNM events have grown to include those orchestrated solely for the BDSM/S&M community. And these events typically include some aspect of female domination. For those into female domination fetishes, CFNM is often referred to as "CFnm", which emphasizes the "D/s" label used to describe the Dominant/submissive relationship between woman and man. The reasons these events have become popular for those into this type of eroticism is that the inherent empowerment of women true for all CFNM gatherings parallels and compliments many aspects of Female Dominant/male submission. Although CFnm is markedly different from traditional CFNM in many aspects, there can be overlap to where the differentiation is blurred. CFnm should be viewed as a subset category of the broader meaning of CFNM. So in having CFNM protocol at a BDSM, femdom (D/s) or other S&M activity, it is perfectly appropriate to identify the event as a "CFNM" event, but, it is both incorrect and ill-informed to state the reverse, that is, that CFNM is a subset of BDSM/femdom erotica. Those that originated the concept and named "CFNM" are happy it has grown to include another offshoot of the concept that brings its practitioners pleasure, and agree it is perfectly appropriate to label a BDSM and/or female domination event with CFNM protocol as a "CFNM gathering" . But, we should all understand that the original definition and purpose for CFNM is to satiate the prurient appetite of women that desire being surrounded by naked men, which may or may not have anything to do with dominating others.
Q: Will there be open sex between participants?
A: NO. Let me repeat, no. This is important. CFNM events are not "swinger" gatherings or orgies, nor are they a creation for men to engage women as a form of foreplay towards sex. Open sex between genders is prohibited at CFNM gatherings. Further, men are forbidden from touching women in a sexual manner, and may only touch a woman in a non-sexual manner when she so indicates it is acceptable. In fact, men that approach women too aggressively or target only those women they find attractive at a CFNM gathering are typically in violation of the established protocol and rules for that event. One of the reasons women are prohibited from removing any clothing at any time is to assure that no participants engage in sexual activity. However, in accordance with the Female-First Doctrine, insofar as it is desired by the females attending, CFNM gatherings can allow the women to touch, grab, grope, fondle or caress any part of a nude man, including his genitals, at any time she desires, oftentimes without needing to get the man's consent. However, such touching policies are strictly up to the ladies orchestrating the event, and up to the discretion of the respective lady initiating the touching.
Q: How do you determine what men are invited?
A: The answer varies between types of event (CFNM vs. CFnm), and those women hosting the events. But regardless of the type of CFNM gathering, virtually all CFNM events of which this author is aware include some form of vetting the men prior to the event. Vetting is done by the hostesses to assure that the security and comfort of all women coming will be protected as the men have the proper attitude, integrity and respect necessary to meet those expectations. Vetting can include interviews, pre-party gatherings or meetings, or, one of the women provides a good reference based upon her past experiences with the man. Also, of great importance is that all men are told in advance that 1) there will be no sexual activities occurring between participants, 2) despite it being mandatory that all men are to remain completely naked at all times when in the presence of the women, they will never have any opportunity to see any female nudity whatsoever at anytime during the gathering, and 3) all protocol, activities and agendas they must abide to are orchestrated exclusively by women absent any male attendees having a voice in the matter. Any man that does not agree or seeks to alter some or all of these conditions will not be selected. Yet despite these conditions, men still almost always outnumber the women at CFNM gatherings. This inequity in the number of men wanting to come allows the women to be more discerning in selecting the men invited, and because the men know that they must compete to be included, they are more prone to abide by all protocol, and, during the course of the event conduct themselves accordingly because otherwise, they may lose their standing on the "A" list. One of the most important criterion women use in selecting a potential male attendee is their being convinced he will display a highly respectful, polite and pleasant attitude that fully embraces their policies and rules without question and never voicing demands or conditions. Men must first evidence they understand the theme and intent of the party, and any attempt to change the atmosphere or activities to suit their own agenda will result in their automatically being rejected. The men selected to attend should all realize that their sole reward for being subjected to such an "unfair" dress code and the other female-oriented rules they must obey is their knowledge that they have pleased the women by their total compliance. It is the pleasure of the women created by such male compliance, which is complimented by the pleasure of the men in knowing their compliance created such pleasure, that creates a harmony that makes a successful CFNM event such a wonderful experience for all attending. And it is those men that understand this that typically make the final list for those invited.
CFNM, or rather, CFnm events that are more oriented to female domination are typically less concerned about the physical attractiveness of the men. The women hosting the events first and foremost want to be served and catered to, and it is the quality of service and willingness to be subjugated to the women's directives that are the more desired qualities considered when making the final selection. However, for the more traditional form of CFNM, although many women want a variety of physical types attending, there is a leaning towards men that have maintained their physical appearance by being more active and attractive. This should not be surprising to men as men have historically shown preference in seeing nude women that are slender and young. Men that have maintained good physiques and taken care of themselves may rise quicker on the invitee list, subject to also have a good and respectful attitude. So our advice to those men wanting to be selected is that whatever your age, don't be a couch potato. Hitting the gym and maintaining proper grooming only helps your chances of being invited to CFNM gatherings. But -- our surveys show that even women into the traditional CFNM parties do like to have at least some variety of nude men of all ages and body types.
Q: As a male, how can I best assure getting on the list of invitees?
A: First, read the preceding Q&A. In addition to that, there are a number of things a man can do to push him to the top of the list. First is how you approach the women planning the event. If you are using a Facebook page or a profile photo on a dating sight, you should avoid photos that make you look like a "creep". Regular photos of you enjoying work, your hobbies and friends are best. If you are on an adult site such a Friendfinder or Fetlife that allows nude photos, avoid the cock-shot photos! Cock-shot photos scream of unchecked libido and desperation, and you're probably the only one getting aroused by such exposure. A multitude of normal photos showing you're a normal guy will make the women feel more at ease. Nude photos buried in your profile are usually fine given the nature of what it is you want to attend, but should not be your first introduction to those visiting your profile for the first time.
In your initial conversations, avoid launching into questions or suggestions about the activities you hope to experience. Women are very aware of what men want as men are never shy about constantly barraging them with such things as requests for webcam chats, or, to discuss matters that give them wanking fodder as they type messages with one hand. The first thing to do is listen, observe and be helpful. Learn the culture in detail of the CFNM event planned as opposed to assuming things. And avoid the temptation to contact female participants in suggesting one-off engagements until you know the woman will not resist and tell the others.
And another matter that although is brutally obvious to most, seems to elude many men...hygiene. Before the event, bathe and wash the under regions. Shave cleanly and wear your best, clean clothes to the event. As it pertains to your pubic hair, the women we surveyed almost unanimously said they preferred pubic hair to be trimmed way back with the penis and balls clearly viewable and silky smooth. Some even prefer a total shave of all pubic hair, which in our experience is the best way all around. Presenting your clean, shaven genitals to the women at the event is your statement to them that you respect them and want to make sure their viewing experience when looking at your penis and testicles is a pleasurable one. Women do indeed pick up on such gestures and appreciate it, and is part of the whole ensemble you present in your attempt to get invited to the next CFNM gathering.
There are, of course, many other things that make women more interested in you, but these are no different than the same things you would want to follow in your ordinary activities to garner such female interest. There are a number of books on the subject, and my favorite has always been Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
Q: How do you determine what women are invited?
A: If the venue has a capacity size issue, women are admitted on a first-come basis until capacity is met. All women must be at least 18 years or older, and at least 21 years if alcohol is being consumed. Because the number of women attending is less than that of the men, and provided there's room, most CFNM gatherings allow all woman interested in attending. If you are female and of legal age, and have an opportunity, we encourage you to consider attending provided, of course, you have talked with the event planners and you find the concept to your liking.
Q: I'm female, but am not a "Barbie" type. Will I be in the minority?
A: Absolutely not. CFNM events are about empowering women and making them feel good about themselves, NOT to provide eye candy for the men attending. The goal of all CFNM gatherings should be the celebration of being female without judgment or concern about body image. For those CFNM parties with a prurient orientation, CFNM is also about casting out antiquated societal attitudes about female voyeurism in a way that acknowledges it as a very healthy and highly appropriate activity women can openly enjoy and share together. Thus, CFNM is for a woman because she is female, not because of what she looks like. The best CFNM events have a cross-section of the female population including all ages, body types, races, orientation, ethnicities and economic standing. Further, because women are never to disrobe or expose themselves, they typically wear clothing that makes them feel attractive yet something they'd wear in public. And because other women are dressed commensurately, it's easier for women to fit right in.
Q: How many party guests come, and what is the typical female-to-male ratio?
A: Each CFNM party is very different. The amount of guests coming depends on the goal of the party planners and the size of venue. Some CFNM gatherings are just a few people that know each other whereas we have witnessed others with as many as 60 men and women in attendance. We have learned that a CFNM party with more women than men allows first-time female guests to feel more at ease, but is a very hard goal to hit.
Q: Will I be safe and not hassled by the guys?
A: The protocol for CFNM parties are more protective for women than at most any other bar or party as male conduct is clearly established in advance. Our Female-First Doctrine assures this, and many people hosting CFNM events require attendies to agree in writing to protect the comfort and sense of security of all females present. Men are not allowed to approach any female in a sexual way, nor, put "the moves" on women. Further, men are not to "target" certain women they find attractive. Men may not touch a woman inappropriately or in any sexual way at any time, nor try to coerce her into doing anything she is uncomfortable doing as that would result in his eviction. Females that have attended CFNM parties attest that the guys are friendly and courteous. In fact, many of the guys feel awkward and helpless being stark naked in the presence of a female they are meeting for the first time, so it often requires initiative of the women to get the men more engaged. Lastly, men are select based upon their understanding and agreeing to our Female-First Doctrine. Any male that does not observe the protocol will be asked to leave and there are usually designated males to enforce proper male conduct. The goal of CFNM is comfort and pleasure of women, which is the foundation of its purpose.
Q: I'm just a woman that enjoys a little voyeurism, and I love the "Haha - I can see you but you can't see me!" aspect this party provides but nothing beyond that. Is this for me?
A: Definitely. CFNM parties are for women like you that enjoy seeing the "secrets" the men can't hide and possibly conversing with completely naked men, but have no interest in anything else. They are also intended for women that relish in putting the opposite gender in an awkward, unfair position during such exchanges, and that inequity is not only obvious, but is openly enjoyed for that reason. In addition, some women simply enjoy being more empowered in a social setting, and no one can deny that when one person is stark naked while the other is not, the one that is clothed is clearly less exposed and vulnerable. CFNM parties cater to all of these reasons for having them, and our surveys evidence that these reasons are often the most compelling ones behind why females would want to attend a CFNM party. But there is another equally as important agenda, and that is for people to have a good time and get to know each other as is the case with any successful, fun party. Of course, some women come to potentially meet a man hoping for a post-party friendship, which is very possible given they typically come from the same general region. Connections between the clothed women and naked men at CFNM parties do indeed evolve to more intimate connections, but they occur outside of the event. Such serendipitous relationships made at CFNM gatherings are a happy bi-product, but not the intent for hosting them.
Q: I'm male, and feel the policies whereby it is mandatory for only the men to be nude is unfair! Why not make it nude for both?
A: You are absolutely correct...it is unfair! But being unfair is part of the purpose of CFNM. One of the great aspects of CFNM is that there is an implicit double-standard that creates a gender imbalance, and is the exact opposite of historical trends where women are objectified. It is this very inequity that makes our CFNM so wonderfully unique as it turns the tables on the societal norm wherein it is the women that are expected to reveal themselves. But not only do we recognize this "unfairness", but do what we can to both enhance and celebrate it. The unspoken power and control element when a vulnerably naked person is in the presence of a fully clothed person of the opposite gender is an integral part of the erotic tension of our parties. And no, it will never change for any of our CFNM events. For the men that have trouble accepting this key aspect of CFNM events, we invite you to go enjoy other events of a different theme, and there are many. And if that is you, we recommend not applying to attend a CFNM event as you will be both disappointed and frustrated, just as it will be for those that have to deal with you discontent. So don't come as you'll not be missed because there is a long list of men that will happily accept the double-standard CFNM presents as a positive thing.
Q: I'm a male, and would enjoy wearing a sexy g-string, or alternatively, a jock strap or cock pouch that covers my genitals.. It is still very revealing. Would wearing these be acceptable?
A: We are often asked by men if their wearing a g-string, jock strap or bikini briefs could substitute for full nudity - the answer is unequivocally NO. CFNM means "clothed-female/NAKED-male" and anything that covers is not "naked". Women orchestrating and attending CFNM gatherings are very clear about this - they want to be able to view the men's genitals and exposed derrieres unobstructed. So in compliance to the Female-First Doctrine, we must be obviously clear on this so as to have no misunderstanding - all men must remove all clothing with their penises, testicles and naked butts completely uncovered and in full view of all women at all times during the event. Their decision that men are not to wear such coverings is theirs to make, and it must be obeyed by all men attending. There have been some CFNM events where the ladies had the men put on a fetish fashion show demonstrating the use of chastity devices, cock rings and the like. However, if and when this type of activity occurs at a CFNM event, it is only temporary and immediately afterward all men must remove such attire returning them to a state of complete nakedness for the remainder of the event.
In the world of of eroticism and fetishes, one finds all types of gatherings with varying apparel worn by their participants. Some have similar themes of female empowerment with partial nudity of some of the men. We're happy consenting adults enjoy such gatherings and although perfectly appropriate for them, they are not CFNM as they do not meet the definition. The reason we make this important distinction is that in using the label "CFNM" inappropriately, they are sending incorrect, wrong signals to those that may want to attend.
Q: I have a small penis and am not sure the women would want a guy of my size coming. Is this party for me?
A: We have never observed women selecting men to attend based upon their cock size. Penis size is usually more of a male issue than female. Women are more interested in what's attached to your penis and what lies between your ears. A man with a small dick but wonderful attitude will always win out over an overly endowed man with an arrogant and presumptuous attitude. Further, many women come to enjoy viewing the array and differences in the all the attributes of the men's nude bodies, including the sizes and shapes of their penises and balls. So if your size is inconsistent with the other men, you should view it as an opportunity to add pleasure to the ladies' viewing experience by giving them an additional yet different sampling of male genitalia to look at. And you should know by now, it's the pleasure of the women that is always most important!
However, it should be noted that there is a subset of CFNM, or rather, CFnm (femdom) parties, that incorporate humiliation of the men as part of the established theme. This is not tied just to humiliating men about their penises, but is part of the female domination fetish that dominants and submissives enjoy. If a gathering you're attending has a femdom leaning, there indeed may include such types of humiliation by the women ("dommes"). To this end, some of these women take delight in drawing attention to a specific nude man's lack of endowment and ridiculing him about it in front of the other ladies followed by their laughter. But this ridicule is all part of the domination game, and is usually enjoyed as much by the submissive man being humiliated as the dominant woman emasculating him. Also, it should be noted that this type of humiliation activity is uncommon and an interest of a minority in the overall CFNM culture. Of course, you should find out before attending any CFNM gathering as to what the theme will be as well as expectations.
Q: What are the women's expectations of the men attending, and will I be required to do things I don't want to?
A: This is an important question, and one that can only be answered by those hosting the event. If you've never been to a CFNM gathering, it is important to get to know the hostesses and learn what may be expected of you. It is also good to connect with others that have attended past gatherings and learn from them. No one attending a CFNM gathering should ever experience a situation that is nonconsensual. Consent must always be given by the man for any game, activity or service. It is also imperative that if the hostesses or women attending are in advance expecting any specific service or conduct which may make a man uncomfortable, it must be openly discussed and vetted with the men coming. If not, then no man should be pressured or compelled to do anything that has not clearly been communicated in advance. Further, certain femdom/CFnm gatherings provide men options as to what they are willing to do, and what they are not, and their decisions are represented by color bands on their wrists to signify to the ladies present what can be expected of them.
However, absent such a method for communicating advance approval, if any activity or service is expected by the women and that activity or service is communicated with the prospective male attendee in advance, he should make the decision to either go to the event and fully comply, or, simply not go. But if a man knows there will be certain expectations of him at the event that may make him uncomfortable yet goes anyway, he is obligated to participate and/or conduct himself in such a was as to satisfy whatever those expectations are. In such a situation, he should buck up and make the ladies happy, and through his uncomfortable yet compliant behavior, he should appreciate being given the opportunity to prove the women that he fully embraces the Female-First Doctrine, and his sole reward for such compliance will be his knowing that he has brought them amusement or pleasure. As many experienced with these events will tell you, men that evidence such respect and service always tend to be at the top of the list for the next party invitations.
Q: Are your CFNM parties geared towards a feminist doctrine?
A: Although our events do not claim to promote feminism or are intentionally aligned with any feminist doctrine, many feminists have indeed indicated to us our CFNM pursuits are consistent with feminism and they like it. Realizing that feminists often have heated debates even among themselves as to what constitutes "feminism", one consistent theme is their attempt to elevate the political, economic, personal and social rights of women from their historic inequitable levels. So from our perspective, CFNM does exactly that, but in a very different context. Because female empowerment is a goal of CFNM, it honors and values the importance of women in this unique social context. No one at a CFNM gathering defines the position of the woman as that is her sole right and ability to do so. However, just as it pertains to their clothes, the rights of the male gender at a CFNM gathering are both symbolically and literally stripped away to underscore the sovereign position of the women. It is, in a way, a role reversal of the traditional objectification of females wherein the men can be objectified. Although some might disagree, many feminists not only find that this does not contradict the goals of feminism, but instead, compliments it. In our survey of 400 women across societal groups that indicated they would enjoy CFNM gatherings, 27.4% (106) identified as being a feminist, which is a higher percentage than the 18% of the general female population that identify as being feminists, which was established by the 2015 Vox poll. In fact, a female founder of a web group devoted to feminism wrote me an email commending me on the "brilliance" of CFNM gatherings, and how she was proselytizing it among her group as a pro-feminism type of erotic gathering. And I must admit that when I attended a CFNM gathering with her, my ability to express my respect for her as a woman and all that means and my support of her feminist objectives...and doing so while she was fully clothed and I was stark naked...was exhilarating for bother of us. And I was honored when she told me I had more than proven my support for her feminist views by doing so in such a way - completely naked, vulnerable and honest as I did. But although I was both honored and pleased, CFNM events have never been characterized as being specific to feminism and/or the feminist cause. For me and my friends that have orchestrated CFNM gatherings, we strive to make sure feminists know we support their movement fully and hope that if not directly supportive, feminist perceive our events are at least complimentary to their cause, and I'm always happy to see feminists attending our CFNM events.
Q: When a party is in the BDSM/Female Domination genre (CFnm), are there ever any submissive females allowed?
A: This question should always be asked of those hosting the event, as they are the gate keepers as to who is allowed, and, what protocol must be followed. We have found that there are sometimes submissive females that desire to be part of a CFnm gathering as a submissive, and this author has never heard of female subs ever being denied. But to maintain the "CFNM" protocol, submissive females should all the same always remain fully covered - both tops and bottoms - otherwise, it is not "CFNM". I recall one CFNM gathering wherein the submissive females wore French maid's outfits, and although submissive to the females present, they were still "superior" to the nude men and in charge of managing the naked waiters and servers, which were all men. As such, it is still a CFNM event yet also harmonious and consistent with everyone's interests.
Q: Can I bring some girlfriends? Alternatively, can I bring my boyfriend/husband/male roommate?
A: Yes! First-time ladies are encouraged to bring friends of either gender as it will make them feel more comfortable, although many women do come alone and make new friends while having great time. However, any friends that accompany guests must first be vetted with those planning the CFNM event, and, both understand and agree to the purpose and mission of CFNM. Also, they may need to sign some form of agreement, depending upon the event and venue. Of course, if the friend is male, he too will be required to first be vetted by the hostesses, and, remain fully nude during the event. We also caution against "dragging" a friend to a CFNM gathering solely because someone needs their company and support. If they do not like the CFNM environment, they will make it unpleasant for you as well as others attending.
In addition, any couple coming must be secure in their relationship and not be prone to jealousy. Women must be comfortable with their nude significant other being the object of other women's interest while men must be comfortable with their female counterpart potentially showing interest in other naked men, which is all only natural. But our experience is that couples typically have the best time at our CFNM gatherings as they enjoy themselves to their fullest while knowing they will leave the event together.
Q: Although it is not required for girls to undress, is female nudity permissible? What should ladies wear?
A: Sorry, even for female nudists, the answer is unequivocally - NO. Women are to remain fully clothed and that includes a modest covering of both their tops and bottoms at all times. Men must also acknowledge in advance that at no time will they ever have the opportunity to see any female nudity whatsoever at any CFNM party. Period. This position on full clothing for women at all times is supported by the survey we conducted. The vast majority agreed that they would want all women to remain fully clothed, generally indicating one or more of the following reasons: First, if women also got nude, it would change the atmosphere potentially provoking sexual play between participants, which would not only be to their disliking, but is contrary to the fundamental purpose of CFNM. Second, many women come with the understanding they will not be required to undress and if others do, they may feel at a disadvantage, particularly if the women feel insecure about their body image. Third, couples often come and some wives have indicated they would feel uneasy watching their nude husbands mingle with other nude women while they remained clothed. And fourth, women want to preserve the very unique dynamic of CFNM, which is an intentional inequitable imbalance between genders with the men at a disadvantage while women are empowered, and maintaining full clothing for all women preserves this overt power exchange.
As it pertains to what women should wear, unlike the dress of the men (or rather lack thereof), CFNM parties vary insofar as dress the women wear, and it's best to check with the planners in advance. Some parties are theme-based and may require costumes or theme-specific clothing. Some CFnm events, such as "high teas", may require the women to wear more formal Victoria Era dress while the men being required to wear white gloves, polished shows and black socks and a bow-tie, but otherwise fully nude. Sometimes, dressing sexy is encouraged, although casual and comfortable dress is the norm. You will need to dress comfortably if the event is held outdoors, which may mean a sun dress, pants or even a swim suit if there is a pool or hot tub. If a change in dress is needed for the women, their modesty is always projected with private female-only dressing areas. Unless specific instructions are given as to how the women are to dress, women should dress as they typically word for a normal (vanilla) social gathering at the same venue absent any consideration of the opposite strict requirement imposed on the men.
Q: Is this legal?
A: CFNM events are typically private gatherings on private property, and there is usually no commercial association with them. Even though "sex parties" and orgies are often times legal at such private venues, CFNM does not include such activities. And simply being nude is not illegal on private property provided the activities cannot be seen from the street. Collectively, these assure CFNM gatherings are legal in almost all jurisdictions. Of course, if the activities are held at, say, a dungeon in a commercial district, the same ordinances that govern activities of that venue would apply.
Q: Can I bring a camera and photograph the participants?
A: The privacy of all members must be respected at all times, not only during the event but before and after as well. Photography is off limits to most areas of the even, and at no time shall anyone be photographed without their knowledge and permission. All cameras and cell phones are to remain in cases, purses, bags, etc., to assure no photography can occur inconspicuously. However, many women (about 40% in our survey) have indicated they would want to bring cameras and take photos of the men for mementos and to share with friends. And interestingly enough, some men also want to have their photos taken with some of the ladies. Because of this, and, in accordance with the Female-First Doctrine, the CFNM planners sometimes set aside a secluded designated area whereby photography is allowed between willing participants. Photography in these areas are sometimes limited to certain hours or by announcement only. An added option is having theatrical (such as Venetian) masks on hand for the men and women wanting to be photographed while also wanting to hide their identities. Should such photo ops be allowed, all guests being photographed must grant permission in advance, and the photos cannot be allowed to reveal areas not designated for photography. Again, any rules pertaining to photography should always be presented to all attending prior to the event.
Q: Will the guys be getting erections?
A: To answer this, it is first important to differentiate between the different types of CFNM/CFnm gatherings. In a more subdued CFnm tea party where the men quietly wait and speak only when spoken to, erections are uncommon, although still happen. In such settings, when they happen, attention is not given them. Alternatively, in CFNM gatherings with a higher level of interaction and activities between genders, erections are not only common, but sometimes the norm. But unlike typical nudist events, depending upon the theme and protocol for the particular event, CFNM parties are typically erection-friendly and often provide both fun and visual enjoyment for the ladies. The majority (2/3rds) of the 400 women from our open survey indicated seeing the men get erections would be a primary reason for attending. So for men that are uneasy and possibly homophobic about being around other nude men with erections, they should either check their ill-founded issues at the door, or not come. And for those men that fear being embarrassed about it, no worries - the ladies will at the very least forgive you, and if our survey is reflective of all women attending, being able to see your erection will be a delightful reward for their coming to the party.
Q: I love flirting with and sexually taunting guys. How do you feel about prick teasing women?
A: Again, CFnm/female domination events have a different flavor, particularly if they are tea parties; hence, prick teasing could be viewed by the dommes attending as not reflective of the power dynamic they want to maintain. But insofar as traditional CFNM gatherings of a prurient purpose, the only challenges with prick teasing women is that there aren't enough! For these events, prick teasing a man can be a fun way for a woman to torment him into sporting an uncontrolled and embarrassing erection for all the other ladies to see. Flirting with men for the sole purpose of observing their physical demonstration of excitement is not only acceptable, but sometimes can be a theme for games and activities where the goal of the ladies is to compete in making the nude men erect without ever touching their penises. It also establishes for women the success of various prick teasing techniques that otherwise would not be so immediately obvious to confirm. Some fellows may feel that women intentionally giving them the case of "blue balls" just to leave them at the height of their arousal is not fair play; however, we must invoke the Female-First Doctrine here, and those men should be reminded that they should be appreciative of her given him such attention, even if short-lived, as well as giving him the opportunity to prove to her he and others he too embraces the Female-First Doctrine. And what better way to prove such embracement and display of his appreciation to her than by physically demonstrating to her and other females just how well her cunning prick teasing has impacted him? It turns it from the ladies laughing at him to his laughing with them...a win-win for all.
Q: Can I touch the guys?
A: Again, this question is highly dependent upon which type of CFNM party you are attending, and, the protocol and decorum established by the women hosting the event. For instance, at CFNM "tea parties" , women touching the men usually will not occur as the mission is strictly about male servitude and not enjoyment of naked men's bodies. However, at more traditional CFNM gatherings, women are usually granted the right to explore any part of a manís body through touching, holding, caressing or fondling any part of his body provided it does not evolve into open sexual activity. Sometimes, to make the women feel more empowered about approaching a man in such a way, a provision includes the ability of women to touch men absent advance approval of the men. In fact, our survey discussed previously indicated about 60% of those females attending would want such a provision. However, if such touching creates an uncomfortable situation for anyone, guests may request such contact to stop and all others must abide by such requests. Participants may kiss, hug and caress, provided it is initiated by the female and both are consenting; however, it must stop before it progresses to the man fondling private parts of the ladies. If any man attempts to touch or contact a female in any way she does not like, he will be asked to leave the party.
Q: Do men ever pleasure themselves for the ladies to watch?
A: The answer to this varies depending upon the event. Many women into female domination, and, especially those that host tea parties, view such acts as being undesirable and inconsistent with their expected deportment of the men. This again illustrates a very important reason to have a female-only planning committee that can discuss such matters and establish a consistent policy, then communicate that policy prior to the event. It is very important for men and women attending these events to communicate with the party's planners in advance. Our advice is that whenever there is an inconsistency between varying opinions in such matters, it's always best to err on the side that makes sure all women are the most comfortable, even if others feel the party is losing some of its spice.
However, in our survey of 400 women that had interest in CFNM gatherings, which was a cross-section of the female population, a majority of women indicated that they would enjoy watching at lease some of the men masturbate. Out of the 380 women that responded to the specific question, 238 (63%) indicated that "If requested by the woman, men asked should self pleasure themselves for the ladies to watch". Of the remaining 37% of the women responding to the question, many were also in favor of having the opportunity to observe the men masturbating, but, felt is should be done only if he consents (not an obligation). In addition, under a different question, 53% (205) indicated "I would like to watch all the men participate in a masturbation contest."
The reasons why women would want to witness the men masturbating varied. A number of the women commented that they had never had an opportunity to watch a fully nude man masturbate - genuinely and for real as opposed to staged for a porno video - in person, and felt it would be both educational and fun to observe a number of the men doing it simultaneously thus being able to observe the different techniques each man secretly uses when he masturbates himself. However, on the opposite side, many of the men surveyed felt it was a very private thing, and would find it uncomfortable if not extremely embarrassing to do in front of numerous women, many of whom he had just met. A few commented that they are not only shy about it, but found it hard to even admit to a woman they masturbated. So it is equally important for not only the women, but also the men to communicate with the women planning the event to determine if the party will include such activities that are too edgy for their comfort. As noted before, if this activity is to be desired by the women hosting or in attendance, and, if it is communicated in advance to the men attending that such an activity will occur, the men must make the decision to either attend and participate as required, or, not come at all (no pun intended).
In addition, there are certain games played at some CFNM parties that by their very nature require the men to masturbate, such as "ring toss" or measurement contests. Thus, assuming the hostesses and ladies attending want such an activity, requesting or requiring the men to masturbate is a perfectly appropriate activity for a CFNM party. Under such circumstances, it is usually required that the men do it to themselves as opposed to "helping hands" from the ladies, as that would ordinarily violated the "no sex" rule between genders. Again, the protocol and requirements for the activity should be clearly laid about by those hosting the event in advance.
Q: I really want to attend a CFNM party, how do I find one in my area?
A: Although CFNM is gaining momentum around the globe, it is still a relatively new and obscure erotic pursuit. Most people don't know what it is, and for those that use an Internet search engine, they find many links of professional produced pornography that claim to be "CFNM". This has unfortunately hurt the growth and acceptance of CFNM as a viable form of erotic enjoyment as it confuses and misrepresents what it is, particularly for women because CFNM porn is geared to satiate men's fantasies, not to address the needs and interests of women. It is for this reason you'll probably have a hard time finding one in your area.
But there is a current of interested enthusiasts that is changing that trend. There are a few Internet bulletin boards and social forums wherein one can find CFNM parties listed, the most noted being Fetlife.com; however, forums dedicated to the fetish world, particularly BDSM, will have a strong leaning towards female domination (CFnm) as opposed to the original version of CFNM, which may or may not be towards your liking. Also, because CFNM parties are hosted in certain cities, those that are not in those regions must take the initiative.
So the short answer to this question is that CFNM parties occur where you make them occur. If a man or woman has enough desire and are inspired, they can create their own parties. The best thing about finding a group of like-minded people and making it happen is that you can control the process guiding it towards your own vision. And that takes work and effort. The alternative is to do nothing hoping someone else will do all the front-end heavy lifting so you can benefit from their efforts by simply showing up (good luck with that ever happening!).
Q: I've looked and there are no CFNM parties in my area, so I'm committed to starting one. What should I do? Where should I host one?
A: Your first thing to do is deciding upon the nature of CFNM party you want. This will determine who out there is interested. Do you want it to be about subjugation of men to dominant women, or, like the original version, giving women an opportunity to explore the naked bodies of a bevy of men in whatever manner they please? Is it a hybrid? Once you determine that, you're ready to start to explore.
The first challenge is finding a proper venue. In no particular order, the six most critical aspects in selecting the venue are 1) appropriate size, 2) amenities, 3) any legal challenges with location, 4) potential neighborhood nuisances, 5) access, and 6) cost. Some venues, although acceptable for certain reasons, can usually be ruled out immediately due to legal issues. Many commercial venues such as banquet facilities, ballrooms, hotels and suites, restaurants, conference facilities and nightclubs often have municipal ordinances that prevent them from receiving revenues from any kind of activity that involves full nudity (the authorities don't differentiate between who's actually hosting the event - if the venue gets any revenue whatsoever, they could be toast). Further, management often does not want an activity that they feel is incompatible with their typical functions or might have an impact on their image. CFNM parties can be noisy when guests laugh and make merry, and if a hotel or banquet manager walks in and sees the naked men parading about, it is a sure bet security will follow. Those that do have legal permission to allow nudity such as, say, strip clubs, still often have ordinances controlling them about male arousal and/or touching, and are often located in bad locations. Lastly, even if you can secure one of these venues, unless you know the owners and it's a personal favor, it can be very expensive.
An ideal scenario is a large private property that is CFNM friendly. If the property has high walls and a pool, the activities can span both indoors and out creating all sorts of varied, fun activities. One group in the south hosted a CFNM gathering on a secluded ranch with an evening campfire outdoors. But if no one has access to someone's private property and the other venues don't work, there are alternatives that work well. Now before you read further keep in mind that we never allow swinging or open sexual encounters at our events, and the following recommendation remains consistent with this. It includes contacting one of the venues in your city that hosts on-premises sex or swinger parties. These venues can be ideal for CFNM parties as they often feature indoor and/or outdoor pools and Jacuzzis, lockers, dance floors, stages, bars and dining areas for buffets. Further, they will probably work regardless of the size of your group as some can host over 100 people at one time. These also usually have an entrance area for receiving and screening, which you will need.
The big attraction for the owners of swing clubs will be getting paid for use of their facility at a time when it normally wouldn't be used. When initially contacting them, it is best to have a woman on your committee making the call as she will usually get an immediate warm response as opposed to a man calling. She should explain what it is your group is about and that you will not host it when they have one of their parties for couples. Weekend afternoons usually works well for them, and you can explain that there will be no sex so their sex playrooms will not be used (no need to clean), that you will abide by the same policies they have for their own members, your guests will sign whatever standard agreement/waiver they have, and here's the clincher - your party will be mostly dedicated to women (they love more women coming to their establishments). Just make sure they understand that you, not they, are hosting the party, as they may have some different ideas about protocols inconsistent with the CFNM agenda you desire. But they are typically agreeable with this. In fact, many women that manage swing clubs "get it" immediately, and, may ask you if they can invite some of their own friends to experience.
Q: I've got a great place for a CFNM party. How do I get the attendance?
A: This is one of the hardest challenges of hosting CFNM parties. As discussed previously, you must first decide the nature of the gathering with specificity. Being vague and uncertain is a sure first step towards failure. But once you know the type of event you want to have, and, you know your venue, you can then start to solicit attendance.
If you're male, you've got a big challenge. The first people you should get on board are females, then, let them head up the planning. You'll need to relinquish control because if you haven't figured it out by now, that's the only way women will have an interest - it must be about them, NOT you! Many men have fantasies about a CFNM gathering wherein it's just the one guy trying to get surrounded by a throng of adoring females. For those men, PLEASE don't waste everyone's time - just keep it to your own lonely fantasy because that's all it will ever be! And all the women will want a variety of men besides just you.
More importantly, if females are in charge of the gathering, more females will want to attend. They will feel more secure and safe if they know the event is female-orchestrated. It will also assure that the interests of the women are placed first. You will find that as the number of women increase, the number of men naturally increase as well. If your party is of a CFnm (female domination) variety, you should connect with the local fetish community, attend munches and get interested people through such sites as Fetlife.com, which has specific forums for CFNM party listings.
If it is a more traditional variety that focuses upon satiating the visual appetites of women while they are catered to by a bevy of naked men, you will need a web-based site with information about CFNM (this web page can help you orient the people). If folks have a place they read about the event, they will be more inclined to come. You can even have a page showing potential attendees for those that do not mind having their profile shown. Be prepared for a lot of work in connecting with people. CFNM is a new concept and often met with distrust, particularly from women. You will need to post about the event on such sites as Craigslist, dating sites, community boards, social forums and the like. Many that are not into this type of gathering may be intolerant and attack you for it, but get a thick skin and ignore them. If you persist and have the right team of ladies helping, you'll eventually prevail!
Q: What type of games/contests will be played?
A: The activities, games and contests should be discussed with the party planners well in advance as they can be fun while breaking the ice, but may also be a bit too "edgy" for others. Because planned activities for CFNM gatherings include so many options, we have created an entire separate section of our CFNM Village Website for this subject matter.